SECOND WOMAN

So did I. I began by throwing away my razor, so that I might get quite hairy, and no longer resemble a woman. -

PRAXAGORA

Have you the beards that we had all to get ourselves for the Assembly? -

FIRST WOMAN

Yea, by Hecate! Is this not a fine one? -

SECOND WOMAN

Aye, much finer even than the one Epicrates has. -

PRAXAGORA (to the other women)

And you? -

FIRST WOMAN

Yes, yes; look, they all nod assent. -

PRAXAGORA

I see that you have got all the rest too, Spartan shoes, staffs and men's cloaks, as it was arranged. -

FIRST WOMAN

I have brought Lamias' club, which I stole from him while he slept. -

PRAXAGORA

What, the club that makes him fart with its weight? -

SECOND WOMAN

By Zeus the Deliverer, if he had the skin of Argus, he would know better than any other how to shepherd the popular herd. -

PRAXAGORA

But come, let us finish what has yet to be done, while the stars are still shining; the Assembly, at which we mean to be present, will open at dawn. -

FIRST WOMAN

Good; you must take up your place at the foot of the platform and facing the Prytanes. -

SECOND WOMAN

I have brought this with me to card during the Assembly.

- (She shows some wool.) -

PRAXAGORA

During the Assembly, wretched woman? -

SECOND WOMAN

Surely, by Artemis! shall I hear any less well if I am doing a bit of carding? My little ones are all but naked. -

PRAXAGORA

Think of her wanting to card! whereas we must not let anyone see the smallest part of our bodies. 'Twould be a fine thing if one of us, in the midst of the discussion, rushed on to the speaker's platform and, flinging her cloak aside, showed her Phormisius. If, on the other hand, we are the first to take our seats closely muffled in our cloaks, none will know us. Let us fix these beards on our chins, so that they spread all over our bosoms. How can we fail then to be mistaken for men? Agyrrhius has deceived everyone, thanks to the beard of Pronomus; yet he was no better than a woman, and you see how he now holds the first position in the city. Thus, I adjure you by this day that is about to dawn, let us dare to copy him and let us be clever enough to possess ourselves of the management of affairs. Let us save the ship of state, which just at present none seems able either to sail or row. -

FIRST WOMAN (in a tragic style)

But where shall we find orators in an Assembly of women? -

PRAXAGORA

Nothing simpler. Is it not said that the cleverest speakers are those who get made love to most often? Well, thanks to the gods, we are that by nature. -

FIRST WOMAN

There's no doubt of that; but the worst of it is our inexperience. -

PRAXAGORA

That's the very reason we are gathered here, in order to prepare the speech we must make in the Assembly. Hasten, therefore, all you who know aught of speaking, to fix on your beards. -

SECOND WOMAN

Oh! you stupid thing! is there ever a one among us cannot use her tongue? -

PRAXAGORA

Come, look sharp, on with your beard and become a man. As for me, I will do the same in case I should have a fancy for getting on to the platform. Here are the chaplets.

- (They all put on their beards.) -

SECOND WOMAN

Oh! great gods! my dear Praxagora, do look here! Is it not laughable? -

PRAXAGORA

How laughable? -

SECOND WOMAN

Our beards look like broiled cuttle-fishes. -

PRAXAGORA (pretending to be the herald)

Priest, bring in the cat. Step forward, please Silence, Ariphrades! Go and take your seat. Now, who wishes to speak? -

SECOND WOMAN

I do. -

PRAXAGORA

Then put on this chaplet and success be with you. -

SECOND WOMAN