Now I've never made one of these before; not that that is an apology for my writing skills, just a statement to get out in the open.
Let's start with the basics...
I am eighteen years old, have darkish blonde hair with blue eyes. I also have an earring in my left ear and a tongue stud (or tat) that I just recently got down the street from my house. I am skinny, tall, and need to build up my chest a LOT more.
To go a little off topic, the tongue stud has finally stopped hurting and I can eat somewhat normally now. I was in a conversation with my christian mom about piercings and got her to say that she thought the tongue piercing was the "stupidest one, ever." She just couldn't comprehend the idea of someone wanting to put a piece of metal in their tongue. It was an impulsive (35$) decision and I don't regret it in the slightest. I'm one of those crazy white boys that likes turning pain into pleasure. And by the time it stops hurting, the tat will be nothing but pleasure (for the girl).
Most of my life I've been this little shy Mormon bastard with out an inkling of what fun should be, or what life could be. I was a total pushover, afraid of swearing, afraid of fights, afraid of any form of drugs (except rX and caffeine in chocolate). I could spend hours and hours and hours writing or talking about the evil mormon brainwashing cult, but I'm through wasting my time thinking about it.
Basically, when I was a little younger than thirteen, my older sister (age 17) and her husband slowly showed me the world outside of mormonism. Soon I was corrupted and by age 14 I was a full fledged, rescued mind.
Unfortunately, due to divorce and my father moving to a new state, and my mom being a total neurotic, messy psycho, I decided to move too. My older brother and sister got out of parental control and became independent. Little did I know how long I would be stuck with the parentals and the psychological damage it would inflict.
Like I said before, I moved with my dad to a new state. The state? Utah. UTAH!! My fucking god christ, UTAH. This place is absolute shit hole for a non mormon. This place is an endless, searing, hellish agony for someone who is non mormon and must pretend to be mormon in order to receive normal human treatment by one's parents. Me.
I went to church every sunday, was given the mormon priesthood, blessed the frickin' sacrament bread. Church is three-hours long, not to mention other church related activities which you are not "forced" to attend, such as youth groups, home teaching, and other bull shit. Also, in school, I attended mormon seminary, which is just a mormon class period in which you receive zero credits.
So this all totalled to about 11 hours a week of mormon bull shit in which I believed no part of and never would for the remainder of THREE FUCKING YEARS. I figure the church owes me something. If you find out about any mormon churches burning down, it was probably me.
Ok.
Deep breath.
My dad has always been a controlling person. His lovely personal flaw is that he can rationalize anything. Mix this with cultish zealotism and you get a nasty, controlling combination. This is why it was easier to pretend to be mormon. My dad could be a somewhat normal, decent guy, but when he snapped it was like someone ripping you in half. What made it worse was you never, ever knew when it was coming. All of the sudden, POOF, he's the yelling, psycho muther fucker that does his best to say something to cut you to the core, something that may or not make sense but makes you want to kill him afterwards.
Ok, so in the summers during those three suckfull years, I would go back to California to stay with my mom. She loved me to death, but was this stupid, slobby, immature person. It was so hard to love her back because she left her fluids everywhere, her smells, she farted all the time, loudly and proudly, and would let out an "Ahhh..." afterwards. She never washed a single dish, so if I didn't want roaches, I'd have to do it. The refrigerator always smelled like moldy meat disease, and was stuffed full of old food that no one would ever think of eating.
Once in a while, I or, more often, my sister, would snap and clean the whole house, starting with the kitchen and moving to the bathroom. Everything looked so nice and the morale would just boost so much. Within a week it was back the way it was. This woman was incredible. Most summers I just went up to my cousin's house in Santa Cruz and stayed there instead.
The last summer of the three years, just after my junior year in Mormon High, I went to mom's house and decided to stay there because I was going to kill myself in Utah. It was inevitable. I finally had to tell my dad what was going on. He was mad about me not telling him and the suchlike, but I just kept repeating that I didn't want to live there, that I wanted to live in California, and I didn't like Utah.
To make a very long story (with lots of details and other stuff) short, I am still living with my mom. I have no car. I've worked a total of two jobs for a grand total of 4 months. I've earned about 1000 dollars and that's about all I ever hope to learn. After living in Utah I've learned about how precious each day can be. Life is way too short to be scrambling for someone you don't even like to get some container of coleslaw, just because they're paying you. Work for me is hell. I love to learn, and I had forgotten that for about 10 years.
Now I go to college full time. It's just a junior college now, but I'll be transferring to UC Santa Cruz quicker than you can blink an eye. My sister is there and should have a PHd within another year, (she's 24). She knows the ins and outs and what classes I should take to get in easier. So far school is going all right, and I'm getting back what I forgot about so long ago: my life.
Books. Glorious wonderful books. What else could possibly build up your imagination to the magnitude that they do? Learning; everything has just sprouted up again and I feel more alive than I have in years. I'm starting to write again, and I've lost a lot of my shy bastardliness that I once had.
That is about all I'm writing for now. Just wanted to get the basics down. I'll fill in all the specifics as each day progresses. I love all you George Bush hating people. Peace.
